If you don’t know Marcella Arguello, then it’s abundantly clear that you dont beez in the trap. Which is Modesto. Which is okay, because I’ve never beezed in the trap either. I hate beez. But I like Marcella. Why? Because she’s like a trillion feet tall and hella funny. Hummina hummina. Seriously tho folks *rimshot* , she’s an incredible comedian, currently based in the Los Angeles area…and if you ever happen to find yourself in the vicinity of her performance…beez in that trap. But until you get there, stay here and get la familiar…

 

How often do you find yourself being the only you people in the room?

I’m a 6’2” afrolicious Latina comedian. At this point, I’m used to being some form of the only “you people.” I used to think it sucked, but now it definitely makes me happy to be able to be super original in appearance and personality.

Can you recall a time when you had to stop and say, “Dang, I think I just got racisted on!” 

I can’t think of anything specific, but it definitely happens all of the time. To me, to my family, friends and just people around me. I also have this special super power of people thinking I’m White so they say some CRAZY racist shit to me because they think this “White girl” is going to agree with them. And then they get checked. And everybody wins!!

What do you think are the most accurate and absurd stereotypes attributed to your ethnicity?

That we’re lazy. Latinos work so hard so they can make a million babies and support them. We definitely make a lot of babies, but it’s because we’re so good at it! And Latin babies speaking Spanish are the dopest babies of all. These days, they’re already smarter than you because they’re raised to be bilingual. White people hate that shit. Because they think we’re talking about them in front of them and it’s because we are.

What is it about you people that makes you want to say, “Hey! Ya’ll need to cut that sh*t out, you makin’ us look bad!”?

Women think they need to be raunchy to keep up with the boys and that is inaccurate as all fuck. I hate when women confuse being “equal” to men with being the “same” as men. Women are different and amazing as we are; I don’t get why Women want to be more like men – guys are really gross and barely fun to be around! That’s all.

If the ghost of MLK the King Jr came to you one night and said, “Will you please do the remix to my speech” How would it go?

I have a dream…

I would have sex with MLK Jr’s ghost.

Aside from having boobies, what makes being a female comedian so much doper than being an anything else?

I feel like being a female wrestler would be a lot of work. The good thing about being a female comedian is you can get really fat and people will still listen to you, unlike any another profession for women. Also, lots of free beer. But one could argue that that comes with just being female. Which is true. God, I love being female.

(Follow Marcella on Twitter, and check her out in Hollwood at The Improv on April 23rd. )

Word on the street is you were working on a book titled, “Everybody Aborts.” Longtime fan of the blog, and best friend of Kel, Kenan Thompson asks, “What up wit dat?

There’s this “Everybody” series of children’s books ( “Everybody Pees” “Everybody Poops” ) to help kids get comfortable doing those things; it’s a really sweet book. And I wanted to take the stigma out of abortions, so I did a parody of that called “Everybody Aborts” so that women could feel like they weren’t alone. Some of my friends have had abortions and it’s heartbreaking whatever the circumstance, I just wanted to support them in my own weird way. The book is still unfinished, but maybe one day…

If you could tag-team wrestle any two comedians, who would be your partner,  and who would you fight?

HAVE YOU SEEN MY ARMS? I WOULDN’T FIGHT ANYONE WITH MY FLIMSY ARMS.

What do you think is appropriate retribution for hecklers?

Verbal annihilation.

What is a Modesto?

The greatest place on earth! Some say that’s Disneyland, but everyone knows Walt was a racist but they still try to deny it, even tho it’s pretty obvious in all those racist cartoon movies. At least the people in Modesto are open with their racism. Just like Florida. Oddly enough where Disney World is.

Word Booty.

Bok!

2 comments

March 28th, 2017

That’s a nicely made answer to a chnnaelgilg question

April 20th, 2017

Y'all tore that Lainus dude a new one. Well, I guess if he didn't lie about his resume, he'll put it to good use!Some day I gotta write something impressive enough to start a Tamalanche…

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