What did Five Fingers say to the face?

” You know who they shoulda hologrammed? My nigga ‘D’….Deez Nuts! SLAP!!!”

Five Fingers is a terrible conversationalist.

Speaking of nuts,  Hologram Tupac got the innanets going ‘em. And since I’m to assume that by now, everybody reading this post has already  watched the video (and probly retweetbookedagrammed every subsequent meme ) I don’t feel compelled to post any links to it here. But…you know what you do when you assume, right?

Me either.

I do know this tho, grab your glocks when you see Tupac….or at least when you see his fans, cause they cray. Not surprisingly. Just annoyingly. I’ve seen responses to  the Hologram Based God  be everywhere from It’s the resurrection of the Thug Prophet, sent to Earth to reclaim the juice and ride on these fake ass skinny jean  wearin niggaz. Riverside, mothafukka! – to- It’s the first step to a bionuclearscientifical i-robot fibble-dee-fabble, leading to a complete human eradication. Science. Again, not surprisingly. Just annoyingly.

Personally, I think robots are awesome, and all the divine appellations assigned to Pac are a bit unrealistic. A prophet? Revolutionary? Messiah? My balls, nigga. Don’t get me wrong, he definitely played a significant role in A Different World hip hop and pop culture as a whole, but…c’mon son!  Plus, I’m a little biased. I’m from the east coast. And so was Pac. #whatsbeef

Regardless any opinions on the man, one thing is for damn sure….Hologram Tupac is the bougiest nigga on the Earth!

You see that nigga shiny ass Sparta abs, son!?  Them aint real nigga abs. Real niggas got ashy, prison abs.

Don’t get it confused… Hologram Tupac is not the forerunner for the streets and thugs you were hoping for.  Why you think he made his inaugural debut at Coachella? He aint fckin with your poor, Black ass. If he was, he would’ve waited a few weeks and came out at Black Bike Week.

Plus, did you hear how much he charged to perform? 400 million dollars! Got. Damn!  That’s completely absurd, considering he only did one and a half songs. One song, in which, he shared verses with Snoop.  He literally got paid millions of dollars for 2.3 minutes of actual rapping. And then refused to do more than his part! Did you watch how he blatantly eschewed backing up his partners vocals, even though Snoop excitedly participated in his?

I bet Hologram Tupac didn’t even go to sound check. He probly went to some Thai food restaurant instead, and got some funky looking noodles with panda bear sauce on ‘em. Bougie ass nigga.

What I was most turned off by, however, was his stage exit. He didn’t even have the nerve to say “Thank you for coming out,” I mean, I’m sayin’…what happened to peace???  The nigga just turned into shards of crystal and floated back to Kay jewelers.   If that aint bougie, I dont know what is.

In an interview, Hologram Tupac was asked about the rumors of a possible tour.  In one particular question, asking if  there would be a stop in Oakland,  he responded “I don’t really do Oakland anymore. Ew.”  And then he returned to the pet groomers to pick up his  hologram dog, where Pug Life had just been tattooed on its belly.

I aint lying.

You know what the worst is?  Hologram Tupac aint even a hologram. He’s 2d. Just a sad movie projection. He aint got shit on The Lorax (or Will. I. Am).   Ain’t no future in your frontin’ Hologram Tupac, aint no future in your frontin’!  Ol’ Carlton Banks, non-Marvel Card, bougie ass nigga.

 

Anyway, I’ll just wait til P. Diddy responds with a Hologram Craig Mack. I bet he’d be cool as crap.

Bok!

 

2 comments

exit

April 19th, 2012

(or Will. I. Am) FOR THE WIN

thebigcrambell

April 19th, 2012

dope, son…

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