tags: Cocoa Butter, Cotton Knuckles, Head Nod, House Party, Obama, Queen Latifah, Slavery Feet, Solebrotha, Solidarity, Token Black Guy
U-N-I-T-Y. U. N. I. T. Y.
What is that?
That’s a unity.
Who you callin’ a b*tch?
As America’s largest recognized minority group (and recipients of questionable road-side litigation), solidarity has always been our greatest asset in efforts against social, political and recreational injustice. “The people is paramount.” That’s not a famous quote. Its just some profound sh*t I just made up…but we should start using it. Anyway, from Marcus Garvey’s UNIA-ACL to BSU Programs…and even that part in House Party 2, when Dana “Zora” Owens rallied the school in support of an Ethnic Studies program, evidence of our unification has always proven itself a bad mamma jamma. Sadly though, in this “post-racial” era, it would seem as if our most combative weapon has been holstered.
But, we still our brothers keepers. Here’s some ways you can assist in the keepage of your brother (and sister too):
The Head Nod– A quaint, heartwarming gesture (often times accompanied by a bated “…’Sup”). This is the most simple and effective way to express your Blacktolism. Beyond that, it’s the most amusing. The head nod is best used in scenarios where there’s a minimal Black presence. It’s a single, stealth motion that tells a passing consort, “Hey, hows it going? I’m black, and I’ve noticed you are too. There sure is a lot of whitefolk in here, huh? Yeah, I know. Its crazy. But hey, don’t sweat it buddy. If anything should go awry, I’ve got your back. No homo.” Without suspicion of onlookers, you’ve prepared yourself for the revolution; and when asked, “Did you know him?” You simply offer a puzzled expression and reply, “Nah. I dont know that n*gga!?”
Be a Lotion Lookout– It’s almost 2012. Obama is the head of the muhfuggin’ state, Will Smith’s son is the Karate Kid, and The Old Spice Guy is our generations Shakespeare. There is absolutely no reason for us to be walking around with slavery feet and cotton knuckles. If your cup runneth over with cocoa butter…shareth. Also, in that same respect, if you see a brotha or sista who hasn’t completed the lotion-rubbing-in process, please speak out. They may have a job interview…you don’t want a fellow comrade to be rendered homeless cause they still had a little bit of lotion on their face.
Take Preventive Action- Regrettably, I found this one out the hard way. During last years holiday season, I ventured the resident mall to procure some Christmas goodies for a couple loved ones. Which brings about the question, How much do you really love somebody if you brought their gift from the “As Seen on TV” Store? Anyhow, I happened to walk pass popular den of iniquity, Abercrombie & Fitch. Mid step, I stopped and noticed a young black male in a large black hoodie perusing the racks at the front of the store. I thought, “Hmmm, thats odd. I wonder if he’s lost?” I wouldve been less confused if it was Token Black Guy (TBG’s love them some A&F), but…it was just a regular a** brotha. I watched as he continued to scour the racks and scout for customer assistance…he seemed to have needed help. Help he didn’t receive because, within minutes, he was rushed, cuffed and forcibly handled by five police officers. Apparently some merchandise accidently buried itself inside of his sweater. Dang. If only I had taken preventive action and yelled, “RUN, RICKY! YOU AINT GOT NO BUSINESS IN THERE! GET AWAY FROM THE RACKS! THEM SWEATPANTS GON BE TOO TIGHT ANYWAY!” *sigh*
Because of my irresponsibility, another young African American male may be subjected to
butt pumpage a life in prison.
Join the MAU M.A.U.S (Mothers Against Uncontrollable Swag)- Sickle Cell…or Swag? Ive yet to decide which is our community’s worst affliction. I do know this though, our community seems to be completely obsessed with producing the worlds ultimate Shmorldshtarshmipshmop video…and everybody’s swag is on Contra cheat code levels. At. All. Times. It’s embarrassing to death. It’s gross. Its everywhere (except libraries). Car lots. Swag! Laundry mats. Swag! Planned parenthood. Swag! AAAARGH! There is absolutely no reason for everybody’s swag to perpetually be on one hundred-thousand-million…sometimes it’s okay to just be on two. Two is fine. Two is a good church-going number. Hallelujah!
Boktown, am I missing anything? What does Black, or [insert applicable race/culture here] Solidarity mean to you? Swag.