Apparently, with great power comes great responsibigotry.

Spiderman, you a**hole.

I’ve never been so let down in my life. This must be what it feels like when snitches get stitches. I say that because I imagine getting stitches hurts. As a child who treated major lacerations with a pound of Vaseline, band-aid, and subsequent a**whoopin’ for doing whatever dumb sh*t it was that got me injured in the first place, I wouldnt really know what getting stitches felt like. But if it’s something that snitches get, I don’t see it being a pleasurable experience at all. I also aint no snitch. Cause as I previously mentioned…snitches get stitches. And stitches hurt.

Anyway. Point is. You really hurt me, Spiderman.

You a**hole.

I cant believe I still used to wear you on my underwear. My booty-balls are disgusted right now.

You guys are probly wondering what happened, huh?

Oh, you’re not?

Well, this what happent.

I retire from an arduous days work, in hopes of easing the tension with a good read, and come across an old issue of Marvel Tales: Featuring Spiderman, where I found this ol’ Clint Eastwood-in-Gran Torino- Super spade hatin’- a** bulljive…

The name of the villain pictured is “Slyde.”

Here’s a little backstory: Slyde’s real name is Jalome Beacher…which is a name awfully close to Jerome Lamont “Pook-Dawg” Jenkins. Don’t question it, it just is. Jalome was forced into villainy after being unjustifiably fired from his job  as a chemical engineer, where he’d just developed a coating that would revolutionize the No-Stick Frying Pan Industry. I’m absolutely not lying. Jalome, being a formerly honest man, attempted to start his own company to produce his invention…but was denied a loan from the bank.

Dang, here he is, a n*gga with a good-a** job, and a brotha STILL cant get a loan. Dang. So hows  he supposed to get money to make sure your chicken and eggs dont stick to the pot? Yep, steal it! Oh, by the way, his power. He’s exceptionally swift. His name wouldve been “Run N*gga Run!” but Spiderman couldnt yell that in one speech bubble.

Anyhow, did you read the frame?

I bet you’re a real whiz at break-dancing too!

WHAT THE UFCK!?

Spiderman, you a**hole!

You know you wouldnt’ve said that stank-a*ss sh*t to Dr. Octopus!

Then, I read the next frame, and Spiderman taumbout some, “It aint Rappin’ Rodney!”

WHO THE UFCK IS RAPPIN RODNEY? HUH? WHO SPIDERMAN? WHO!?!?!

You a**hole.

Won’t you just gon’head and call him an N word. The N word with the “Er?” Grrr!

 

OOOooooo, I’m so mad at you right now!!!

I knew Thor was racist, with his blonde hair, blue eyed Aryan a**… and even Silver Sable. Bishop been trying to hit that for years, but she dont want nothing but pank-toe pee pee.

But not you, Spiderman…not you.

Ugh. I’m so disappointed in you Peter Spiderman Parker. What would Aunt May think?

You better watch yo’ back, dawg. I’m bout to call up the *NAACCP …and we gon whoop real web juice outcho a**!

Boktown, I gotta go. I….I just…*sigh*…I just dont know if I can believe in another hero again.

BOK!

 

 

*= National Association for the Advancement of Caped Colored People.

 

7 comments

June 18th, 2011

My niggy Donald Glover was rumored to be playing the new Spiderman.

http://www.geekosystem.com/donald-glover-spider-man/

Lets be real, shit didn’t, and was never EVER gonna happen, though.

blackchild

June 18th, 2011

Black people always got to be on guard with white media. I sat down to watch the movie Big Fan and within 6 minutes of being on screen they had the only Black male character. Go to the projects in an Escalade, buy drugs, make it rain in a strip club, show his gold teeth and Spinner watch and stop the shit out of a white guy.

June 18th, 2011

I think @Rappin Rodney” was a reference to Rodney Dangerfield who made a rap song back inthe days. marvel tales being reprints of old isse. Of course my old ass was around for the original issue and I vaguely remember slide from Spectacular, I think. Not from Amazing…hmmmm…anyway, not to defend Stan Lee and crew. They definitely had some serious stereotype-happy writers running amok up over on 575 Madison Avenue but keep in mind that Good Times and The Jeffersons, shows knee deep im the racial goobbydeegoop, were huge hits back then. Again you had me cracking up!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo

solebrotha p

June 18th, 2011

@Dylly – Well, I aint too mad at that…Gawd knows I dont want another “Black Karate Kid” disaster. Im totally cool with racism if it errs on the side of character accuracy.

@Blackchild- That post is already in the chamber, holmes.

@Loco –UFCK RAPPIN’ RODNEY! Spiderman couldve just as easily said, “Well, it aint Taylor Dane..or Teena Marie…or some other somebody that aint Rappin’ Rodney. UFCK RAPPIN’ RODNEY!

Quarry Widders

June 21st, 2011

I’ll bet he really was a whiz at break-dancing.

Shanda

June 21st, 2011

I understand your anger. I got one hell of a chuckle! Lol Well written. 🙂

Ben C

June 23rd, 2011

Whoa whoa, you’re acting like a real Rappin’ Rodney right now!(I’m bringing it back!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo
No respect…

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