You know how whitefolk can be so  inquisitive about the nuances of black culture…to the point where it’s like watching a baby lamb trying to do the stanky leg? If thats even a thing. Is that a thing? Probably not. I just needed a simile to express the combination of adorability and painful ignorance that are both displayed when whitefolk ask questions like “How do you wash your hair?” or  “If you don’t like the team, why do you wear the hat?”

Actually, the sentiment posed in the first paragraph may be a bit misdirected, as I’m positive most of my readers are white. Which is a paradox. Which is not a Parrot-Ox. Which is either some funky Dr. Moreau experiment, or undoubtedly the coolest character ever on The Wuzzles. Anyway, what I’m saying is…even in the whole wide world of  world wide webs…I’m still the only black guy in the room.

I’m sorry. This intro is really spiraling out of control.  What Im trying to say is…

WHAT THE UFCK IS UP WITH THE BEACH FEET PICTURE !?!?!

See, had you asked me what my blog was about before today, I may not have had a tangible answer prepared. You would’ve gotten a response similar to “I’ono, nigga! The sh*t is awesome…just read it! Dang!” But now, I can say without hesitation, that this blog is about creating a forum where individuals of diverse backgrounds can openly share experiences and safely express thoughts, questions, and concerns in regards to differing cultures. I think. Im still working on it.

But seriously, you got questions I got answers. I got questions, you got answers?

Why?

What is it about your feet on the beach that you think is so artistically celestial that it warrants a thousand’leventeen hipstamatic facetwit pics?

If there were ever two sho’shot ways to kill my boner, it would be A.) Laying around at the beach. B.) Feet.

Boner. Dead.

This picture is by far the best way possible to prevent the pitter-patter of lil’ Solebrotha P footsies. Orthotrycycline aint got sh*t on that! And, dont get me wrong, I enjoy the beach as much as the next person (of color), but laying  around for hours on some glorified dirt, while the sun has a dance party on my back until my first and second layers of skin start peeling back to make room for cancer and other such inconveniences is not at all the business. But, you bring a frisbee, some Jameson, and a couple duck floatee’s…I can fox with you.

I just dont understand. What’s the main focus of the picture? Is it the beach…or your feet? If it’s the beach, you’ve successfully  just ruined any trip to the bahamas I may or may not have had planned for this summer. If it’s your feet…you’re just an a**hole.

And since we’re on the subject? What is it about feet that white people love so much? I mean, y’all are all kinds of Joanie loves Chachi about your toes. You wave’em outside your car windows, parade them in public businesses…you’ve even gone so far as to construct this bullcrap…

What in Tarzans name is that?

If I didnt know better, I’d say that your obtrusive foot displays were some type of  Aryan salute. Like, every time you exposed your street-beaters, you were saying “See these sh*ts! These aint NEVER had to run from slavery. White power!”

Yeah, you can tell me thats absurd…but if you cant give me a legitimate reason that proves otherwise…that’s what Im going to believe.

Boktown…me, Marvin, and 4 Non Blondes want to know whats going on. Help us out!

BOK!

9 comments

June 1st, 2011

I’m not a fan of showing my feet. I wear socks around the house. I’ve seen some of those shoes on the beach but not by our people. I have seen them though.

I don’t think we’ll confuse the two..

Joe

June 1st, 2011

I don’t have a big problem with feet in general, but that being said… those toe shoes are fucking disgusting. I’d rather see bare feet.

The feet on the beach picture is just a passive-aggressive way to say, “Look how easy my life is right now. Haha.. I bet yours is not!”

Lilly y. Tass

June 1st, 2011

Ya know how the stereotype is black guys like big butts and white guys like big boobs? I can tell you white guys have a thing for feet. The most average chick in the world can sport a pair of 4 inch red patent leather pumps and every guy in the room will try to be hittin that by the end of the night. I know I’m average and I own 4 inch red patent leather pumps.

solebrotha p

June 2nd, 2011

Drew– Son, I have a pair of kicks that are specifically for walking from my room to the shower. Thats how real it is in the streets. Though, I do concede to a time and place where donning of the feet is appropriate, (i.e.- the beach, boyeeeee!). I just dont understand the need to put them jammies in every, what would otherwise be, pleasurably scenic photograph.

Joe– Yeah, i dont understand whats up with the Grape-Ape boots. Take them junks back to Planet of the Apes. Also, “Look how easy my life is right now….” is no different than, “See these sh*ts! These aint NEVER had to run from slavery. White power!”
So…I’m assuming what your telling me is, Im correct in assuming its an Aryan salute?

Lilly– I like big butts and I cannot lie. Booty booty booty booty rockin’ errywhere.

June 2nd, 2011

1. it’s a check out my view you’re not here haha
2. in NYC, there are on average the same number of black men and white men wearing those shoes. swear.
3. I’ve had way more black men hit in me because I’ve got nice feet / nice pedicure then white men.
4. it’s just a body part. calm down!

June 2nd, 2011

This is amazingly funny, you honestly had me laughing hard as hell, out loud! By myself!
And it was this part. “Aryan salute. Like, every time you exposed your street-beaters, you were saying “See these sh*ts! These aint NEVER had to run from slavery. White power!”

Oh and by the way, all the wolves are reading and loving Boktown!! It has come up in many conversations, and everybody loves it!

I speak the for all people from the caucus mountains when I say, yes we / they are celebrating doing nothing on the beach, best way to show this is by showing you feet propped up on a beach chair. The ocean just happens to be in the background, and they think it looks artistic ( think Jimmy Buffett).

For YALL ..Try and imagine finishing a big box of chicken / ribs then wanting to show the world your chilling/maxing/lamping with your jordans / 1’s propped up on a workout bench in the font yard. It’s basically the same idea.

Cha Cha

June 3rd, 2011

Good stuff, P! I’d prob post pics of my feet on a beach, except I don’t think I have cute feet. I have posted a beach thigh pic though. hmph!

Oh, and the first time I saw those shoes was on a black man. The second, an Asian woman.

This post makes me wanna visit the beach 🙂

solebrotha p

June 3rd, 2011

Cha Cha- So, according to you and Netta…the Porch Monkey-Porch Slipper is the new Jordan amongst the trendy black guy community???

Thats the most ridiculous sh*t i’ve ever heard.

N*ggas really will wear anything.

*muppet face*

However, I’m positive I’d be more comfortable with this pic if it were a thigh, breast or booty cheek in it. Don’t ask me why that’s fair. It just is.

Frank Nitti

June 4th, 2011

BOK!!!!! Dope shit homie!!! Holla!!!!

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